How to have a Cooperative Relationship with your Child, Feb 25, 7-9 PM, DPNS 8th Street campus
Presented by:
Laurie Perry, Professor Early Childhood Education Coordinator Sacramento City College.
Prof. Perry is the Coordinator for the Early Childhood Education Center at Sac State (essentially the child-care center for staff/students children I believe - an excellent center I've heard), and she has extensive knowledge and experience dealing with young children, some of whom grew up in rough neighborhoods, on a day-to-day basis. She also teaches ECE class at Sac State. Some great pointers:
Obedience Control (efficient in the short term e.g. "you're doing this because I/Mom/Dad said so") vs.
Self Control (never efficient, but you get a better outcome later, and allow your children to make their own decision).
Think about your children's future - quote from Eric Erickson "you're teaching your child what you know, but they're going to be in a world they don't know". You want to have them make the right decisions because they wanted to, not because they're afraid they'd get scolded by their parents, etc.
Make sure your reinforcements are consistent. If they're intermittent, you're encouraging a "gambler's behavior" (e.g. child might think - will I get disciplined/will my privileged be taken away this time?)
Some behavioral "problems" e.g. biting, are temporary. Even little changes in a child's life will create a temporary change of behavior. According to Prof. Perry "business trip is a big thing, even little things like the car the child is used to riding is in the garage for a few days" would create behavioral changes.
In many cases, (e.g. two children fighting for one toy), the adult "won" by boredom. E.g. through talking about it, holding on to the toy with a "death grip", having the children' talk about how to solve the problem, one of them would eventually say "ok, you can have it first". Next time they'd know to solve the problem themselves instead of involving you - which they know would only delay the process for them, so they might as well resolve themselves quicker :)
One of the best things that Professor Perry mentioned:
There'll always be room for give and take - don't beat yourself about it.
Rather than adapting the "efficient" way, always think ahead to the future. "Am I going to like these children when they grow up?" "Will they have friends?"
When you get into power struggle with the child, you already "lost". Instead, step back out of the situation. Sometimes you just have to wait and give the kids time to think (again, not efficient, but better in the long term). Stay calm and disengage. Think calming thoughts when you yourself is agitated. You can catch up later - you have the benefit of remembering what happened and they (little kids) don't. Talk through it when they're calm e.g. next day.
The average age of the audiences was about 65. Didn't see any other kid, aside from a few babies. The accompanying orchestra, however, was comprised of young people from the local .
I'd like to think I'm planting seeds. One day one of those might grow to be a plant. And I'm glad to be where I could expose the rich Chinese culture to my children.
